The Historic Fart

Circa 1978
My brother Peter was in the basement when I heard him call, "come quick, hurry, now!"
I flew down the stairs as fast as I could run, jumping several steps due to the urgency of my older brother's plea. My mind was a torrent of thoughts. Was it a mouse, a bat, a turkey, maybe even fireworks? As I hit the landing I sprinted around the corner and down the hall towards the room where Peter was calling. Then, as if running into a field of mustard gas I hit what seemed like a solid wall of invisible shit. Being a little winded I took several deep breaths of the noxious gas and fell to my knees thinking I was going to vomit. "Ha ha ha ha...." was what I heard from the room ahead. "What a masterpiece, isn't it?" After crawling out of the "danger zone" and sitting for a few minutes Peter suggested we get some more people as the potency was not diminishing. One by one we lured the unsuspecting victims of our family down with even visitors not being spared the onslaught. Without fear of exaggeration, I can safely say the smell lasted over an hour and provided great laughs at the various responses. You would have thought my sister had caught fire. Some of the victims exclaimed,"Oh my God! That is not normal. You should see a doctor!" Even the next day there was still the faintest hint. So potent was that flatulation that 30 years later those who were unfortunate enough to encounter the deadly beast still recall it with great disgust and respect. It has come to be know in my circle as "The Fart." This is a true account save for changing my brother's name to protect the innocent or rather the not innocent.

Until the next time.

BBQ

Love the BBQ! I do but am a bit of a purist when it comes to the flame. Granted it is more work but I strongly prefer cooking over a wood fire. I also am a big fan of the Weber grill design. Put the two together and you get perfection. The best hamburger I ever had was one I cooked using that combo. The reason they work so well together is that you can control the flame with the lid of the Weber while optimizing the smoke. You need to stay on top of the fire while you are cooking. If you leave the lid on too long the fire will die and if you leave it off too long the food will burn.

Different types of wood give you different flavors. Now, if you can't find any wood or just don't want to deal with a wood fire, you can always get wood chips from the store. My favorite is hickory. Soak them for at least a half hour and then throw them on the coals. The coals should be white hot and totally ready. This is a good simulation of a wood fire since it gives you all that good smoke flavor.

One minor draw back to both methods is that you end up smelling like a wood fire. Not an unpleasant smell but not one you want lingering around. Humm, time for a shower... see post on robes.

Until the next time.
Carpe Diem