9/11

I remember standing in my CEO's office looking south at the towers from 21st and B'way. The North Tower looked like a giant had taken a bite out of it. My mind could not process the image; it looked like a movie to me. "This could not be real." All the others in the office had already gone when I saw the first tower fall. It happened so fast. I had to sit from the shock and was numb with sadness. "So many people and a couple friends in there." When the second tower fell it was like being kicked in gut once you were all ready down from a previous blow. The next few days are a bit of a blur with most of us in the city numb. Union Square became a central gathering point for desperate family members searching for love ones. Several times I was approached by them clutching to photos of their loved ones asking me, "Have you seen this person?" I cried a lot that week. In honor of those who died I say a prayer today. I will not forget you. As for my friends, they made it out alive with gruesome tales of carnage. They were very lucky. Be safe and God Bless you all.

The Historic Fart

Circa 1978
My brother Peter was in the basement when I heard him call, "come quick, hurry, now!"
I flew down the stairs as fast as I could run, jumping several steps due to the urgency of my older brother's plea. My mind was a torrent of thoughts. Was it a mouse, a bat, a turkey, maybe even fireworks? As I hit the landing I sprinted around the corner and down the hall towards the room where Peter was calling. Then, as if running into a field of mustard gas I hit what seemed like a solid wall of invisible shit. Being a little winded I took several deep breaths of the noxious gas and fell to my knees thinking I was going to vomit. "Ha ha ha ha...." was what I heard from the room ahead. "What a masterpiece, isn't it?" After crawling out of the "danger zone" and sitting for a few minutes Peter suggested we get some more people as the potency was not diminishing. One by one we lured the unsuspecting victims of our family down with even visitors not being spared the onslaught. Without fear of exaggeration, I can safely say the smell lasted over an hour and provided great laughs at the various responses. You would have thought my sister had caught fire. Some of the victims exclaimed,"Oh my God! That is not normal. You should see a doctor!" Even the next day there was still the faintest hint. So potent was that flatulation that 30 years later those who were unfortunate enough to encounter the deadly beast still recall it with great disgust and respect. It has come to be know in my circle as "The Fart." This is a true account save for changing my brother's name to protect the innocent or rather the not innocent.

Until the next time.

Origins of Hakamonapisai

The name "Hakamonapisai" comes from an old silly commercial for AT&T (I think?) where they were pitching that you would not be charged if you happened to dial a wrong number. In the commercial someone is trying to dial Frankfurt and they get a beach in Figi. A guy at a beach side hut answers the phone says,"Hakamonapisai" or something like that. I could never understand what he said so it became a sort of joke and how I answer the phone from time to time.